give up?
ever want to just run screaming for the hills and never look back?
that is where i am today. and to be honest i was yesterday. and the day before.
i know i am not normally like this. sad. depressed. emotional. tear filled.
but i feel like i am ready to scream.
maybe it's the fact that i-
have an emotional 13 year old in the house.
and a 9 year old with an attitude in the house.
and let's be honest, a 4 year old who think she runs the place, in the house.
that somehow i have managed to gain 8 pounds.
that the list of "to do's" is so long, i see no end in sight.
a husband who is super busy at work and even busier at home with school.
i hate feeling and acting this way, it's just not me.
i hate that i want to cry at this very moment, in fact there are tears rolling down my face.
i hate that i can't appreciate that fact that i have really, really good girls, yet find fault in all sorts of things they do.
i hate finding messes in each and every room in this house.
i hate that when i say anything to said 13 year old, i am a jerk and picking on her.
i hate that my 9 year old comes up the stairs every single morning with a crappy attitude.
i hate that i feel fat has can be, yet have no motivation to do anything about it.
i love that i ran this weekend and loved how i felt, then monday comes and all hell breaks loose.
and this puts me to where i am at right now..
i just don't have the motivation to want to do anything, at all.
to be honest i just want to throw my hands up, curl up in a ball and cry my ever loving eyes out.
is that an option?
NO.
totally not the type of person i am.
i am however sick and tired of being made to feel like,
a door mat,
jerk,
mean mother,
yeller,
screamer,
rule enforcer,
time manager,
mess cleaner,
butt wiper,
taxi,
maid,
dish doer,
let's be honest, this list for me today could go on and on and on.
i won't make you suffer thru my complaining any longer....
sorry for such a yucky post. felt like maybe saying these things "out loud" would make a difference.
guess i just need to pull my big girl panties up and get on with life.
because sitting her crying over it isn't going to change a single thing.
it's life and as much as i complain about it, i'm thankful for it.
just sometimes, i wish it wasn't so damn overwhelming!
enough said.
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7 comments:
Love you friend ... that's all I got ... just a whole lot of love!
And this post is one of my favorites ... simply because it lets me know that I'm not alone.
I've gained extra pounds too. :)
don't know if this'll be any help to you, but think of the actual job of being a thirteen-year-old.
their JOB is to be ugly. their job is to test limits. their job is to make you crazy.
our job is to keep them from doing anything that will cause real or permanent harm, to help them through the ugly.
i used to teach middle school, on purpose. i love those guys.
and one day after a really tough class, this girl stayed behind to ask "were we bad today?"
i took a deep breath. "well, you were really difficult.", i told her. "but it was also developmentally appropriate and sometimes we just have to go through that."
she was relieved to hear it. it was an important moment for that kid, to know that the ugly behavior was expected and also forgiven.
sometimes they KNOW they're ugly, cna't understand why, and don't feel in control of it.
once they know you love them anyway, heck, you love them BECAUSE of it, because you see them growing, it takes some of the weight off of 'em.
as for you, you go ahead and cry and whine and stamp your feet and complain sometimes.
it won't make you weak or ungrateful; it just makes you a regular person doing the best you can.
sometimes even when you're aware of your many blessings you still want to complain, and as far as i'm concerned, sometimes you get to do it.
Sending you a great BIG HUG....And, lots of LOVE! Just wanted you to know...that sometimes us girls ALL have days, weeks or months like that...and that's just what I do, cry until I feel better...eat sugar until I feel sick...and share with friends!
I'm thinking maybe you should just have a day to YOU...maybe at the SPA...or maybe just spending $$ on yourself :D
Hope your evening is totally quiet, peaceful, and simple! Sweet blessings!
I'm sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment. Hopefully, things will start to look up for you very soon!! Be strong and keep telling yourself, "This too shall pass" - from one Mom to another. I know exactly what you are going through. Poor thing.
Shara, my darling. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I'm thinking that maybe the thing at the top of your "to do" list should be to spend a day recharging yourself. Whether that's a day at the spa or just a day in bed, you deserve it! You're one of the hardest workers I know and it's time for some paid vacation, girl! ((((HUGS))))
It happens to the best of us. So vent away!
do something for yourself? like redo your bedroom? get on an exercise plan? maybe get books from the library such as, on cute things to do to your daughter's bedrooms and look it over with them?
or have "paint our nails" and watch a movie nights..! with magazines and such i used to love that
make being a mom something you LIKE doing again..!
a good thing to do is to leave the 13 year old alone when she is needing to be and to look like you have your own interests, and that will make her look up to you :)
and use the dishwasher if you have one, takes about 5 minutos/dia as opposed to 20 and saves agua!
this is the time while you are still a stay-at-home mom, before you go out into the working world again..
are bikes or the bus an option?
don't playmate's and friend's moms have cars?
and is it really such a chore to give a ride? just sometimes?
if so, no one says you have to...if it's not a piano lesson or something important tell them "no...ride your bicycle" or "get suzie's mom to pick you up"
also maybe you should have a transition period? take up yoga and think about your life? do cool things just for you..! u can even keep them a secret= even more fulfilling in my opinion
at least they will be 18 someday/they WILL be so you should cherish time with them now...before you have to worry about serious boyfriends and them driving...they will grow up and be not so moody [it may take a decade...] :D
watch the kardashians,sounds silly but even celebrities have these problems..! kris has to be at her wits end with her two young teenage daughters
i'm glad you don't curl into a ball and cry because i saw my mother cry like that alot as a child and a teenager all it makes me think now is...i am never going to be that weak of a person in front of my children...
and you're not, i think you are missing purpose...
go to 43things.com, make one.
good luck..!
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